i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
