is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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