So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
