Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize