He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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