I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
When did angry sex become our thing?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
