totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
