I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
