Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
