My sheets look like a crime scene.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
