im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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