That's intense
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize