If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
