I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Randomize
