I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
