you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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