Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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