The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
