I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
