I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
