I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
