So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
