Tell her she can't have a vagina
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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