Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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