The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
