Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
we made out on top of his cat.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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