i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
