Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
