once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
