A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize