So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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