Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
