i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
