Got a toothbrush?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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