Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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