now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
