college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
