I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
