you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
