You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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