I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
