We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I need to align my fucking chakras
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
there is glitter all over my balls
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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