Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
