Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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