already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
