Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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