That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
