I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
