Me. At least after what I've been through.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
