My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
3 2 1 whiskey
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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