True but thats because hes a fetus.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
