Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
