yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
