last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize