shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
