I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
