drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
