You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
