Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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