i jhust puked up my retainher.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
