Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
