Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize