tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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