she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
