I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
and you fell through a lawn chair
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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