I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
