Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize