my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
