i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
