I faked an abortion last night.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize