Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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