I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
