well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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