And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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