Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
