it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
