so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
