The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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