theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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