i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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