Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize