I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
