after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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