You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
