Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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