I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
