Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
