Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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