dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize